Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
