I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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