I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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