Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can't special order awesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
