Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
