it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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