I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
