I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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