Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
