Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
