This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
