Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
