Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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