I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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