She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
