Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
