I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
