I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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