My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
