literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
