I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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