Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
