Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
