remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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