am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
