If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
