it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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