OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
