What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
