I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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