I'm so fucking centered right now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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