some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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