did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
