turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize