laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
