I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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