Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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