Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
