It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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