I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize