So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
