I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
