even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize