Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
