Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
