i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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