you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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