I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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