I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
