I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
