So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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