you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize