I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
