she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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