It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
