Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i've created a new STD.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
