dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dignity is for republicans.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
