Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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