so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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