While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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