you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What a dumb baby whore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
