TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
