if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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