Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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