No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
