I don't remember. Are we still dating?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
