It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
