True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she told me i tasted like america
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
