puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize