He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
