The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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