no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
