i already hear my dad disowning me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
