What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
