Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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