and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
