Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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