Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
