She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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