Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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