It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize