There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
