the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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