How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize