I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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