It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
