I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
