I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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