I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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