The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
