Soap is not a condiment
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
