well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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