if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
