Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
