her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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