I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
