So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize