i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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