So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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