I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
