Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize