every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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